Christian Love and....Rocky? Part Three

 As we continue the discussion of how we can recognize Christian love in the Rocky series we are now in a totally different place in the marriage of Rocky and Adrian Balboa. Rocky is now the heavyweight champion of the world so he is now successful, wealthy and famous. One would could only wonder how that would change a couple that began their life on the streets of Philadelphia but we will see that genuine love remained at the center of their new life.

In the opening montage we see a man who looks much different than the club fighter from the first film. He has numerous victories over several contenders, has used part of his fortune to make changes to his oft injured face, and is now a global icon that associates with other public figures. Surprisingly, we also see the same mannerisms and affections between the Balboas, which is usually expressed in the way he looks for her after his victories in the ring. Outside of the ring their love continues to grow as they raise their young son in a life filled with luxury and comfort.  

It doesn't seem like their lives could get any better.

Rocky 3 Opening Montage

During a public ceremony where the city of Philadelphia honors Rocky for all that he has done for the community, he is presented with a statue that draws great cheers and admiration from the crowd. He thanks the crowd and then talks to them about the possibility of retiring. That is when he is surprised by the dangerous Clubber Lang who accuses him of ducking him. That is when Rocky's manager Mickey Goldmill stands up for Rocky and tells him he won't get a title shot. What Rocky does not know is that Mickey feels this way because, as we also saw in the opening montage, he has scouted Lang and knows how dangerous he is. Things only get worse when Lang makes verbal advances towards Adrian, where Rocky defends his wife's honor, as he should. 

Clubber Heckles Rocky

It would not take long for Rocky to be surprised with a great truth. Lang was right with his accusation of Rocky ducking him, as Mickey had no intention of putting Rock in the ring with the dangerous challenger. He also confessed that he was careful with choosing the other contenders that he put him the ring with in order to protect him. In this case we can see that it was not just Mickey protecting the money machine as it was him caring about Rocky's well being.  

A Wreckin' Machine

Mickey was a father figure to Rocky but he had to come clean about what was going on behind the scenes. Rocky struggled with the truth and felt the need to prove himself. This was certainly a failure to see that his value as a person had nothing to do with facing and defeating Lang and, he had the right to live his life as he wished regardless of public opinion or his newfound celebrity. So, against Mickey's wishes, he takes the fight and trains in a nonchalant way as he sees it as going out in style. Right away, we can see that he was looking for fulfillment in something that would never satisfy his longing for true love. 

Rocky not only loses the fight but is demolished and humiliated by Lang. Rocky also had to realize that everything Mickey said would happen, happened. It's one thing to realize that another fighter was simply the better man but Mickey warned Rocky that Lang would be more than he would could handle because of his skill and his hunger. On top of that, Mickey had a heart attack the night of fight thanks to a pre-fight skirmish and died. 

Mickey's Heart Attack 

Rocky Says Goodbye to Mickey

This would be very hard to recover from, especially knowing that Mickey did out of love for him. Of course, some of Mickey's last words were, I love you kid. 

One of the realities of the boxing world is that when two boxers test each other in a memorable match that a certain level of respect occurs between them. The first two films feature Rocky and now former champion Apollo Creed having two memorable bouts that are loved and remembered by both movie and boing fans. That is why Apollo comes to Rocky to speak to him about his loss to Clubber. He points out that Rocky lost the fight for all of the wrong reasons, that he doesn't want Rocky to walk away with regrets, and then offers to help him get the title back by training him. All of this comes from the fact that Apollo truly cares about Rocky and knows that he is capable of helping him regain what he lost fo the wrong reasons. 

Do not neglect to do what is good and share what you have; God is pleased by sacrifices of that kind. 

                                                                                                            -Hebrews 13:16 

Apollo's Offer

While training for his rematch Rocky is still shaken up by his failure as well as the sudden loss of Mickey.  Adrian confronts Rocky about his loss of motivation to which he claims has come from him not wanting to fight anymore. Adrian sees something more than this because she had never known Rocky to be a quitter.

While arguing on the beach she challenges Rocky to be honest with her. First he admits that he feels dishonest since he wasn't the champion that he thought he was. Adrian continued to push him though as she knew that there was more than Rocky cared to admit. Eventually, he comes clean and admits that he is afraid. This is a huge step for Rocky because of the fact that he is a fighter. 

Adrian admits that  she is afraid too and that there is nothing wrong with being afraid. Rocky sees his fear as a challenge to his manhood but Adrian reminds him that fear is a big part of being human. In other words, she doesn't accuse him of being weak or worse than that, less of a man. She in fact allows him to know that he is still good in her eyes even though he allowed her to see him at one of his weakest moments. Sadly, a lot of men are not married to women who would speak to them in this way. 

She also reminds of the moment in the future where he will no longer be in the spotlight and how she doesn't want him to live with regret while. In this case, she is reminding him of what Apollo told him when he made the offer to train him but with her being Rocky's wife, she also reminded him that she was going to be there with him. This is the same woman from the last film who would not walk away from him when she feared that he could be permanently disabled. She is truly committed to him through the good and bad times and she is not afraid to challenge him to make things right. Adrian is not scolding Rocky to live up to some public persona. She is reminding him that he is the same good person that she fell in love before his celebrity life began.

Finally, Adrian tells Rocky that she and Apollo believe in him and that he should go after his title for the right reasons. Win or lose, if he simply does his best then she knows he can live with the outcome because he will have no excuses.  

                                       ....and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. 

     

                                                                                                              -John 8:32 

The most important thing about Adrian's approach is that she didn't break him down in order to hurt him. She broke through the walls he put up in order to bring back the man that she knew was still inside of him. This was a healthy argument. 

Adrian Confronts Rocky

Let us be reminded now of a simple but powerful quote: The purpose of marriage is to get your spouse to heaven. Another way of saying this is when one tells their beloved: you make me want to be a better person.  

All of this of course, was the easy part as there was still a huge boxing match ahead. Just like their marriage, the match featured many ups and downs with Adrian being there the entire time. When he did well she cheered for him. When he struggled she was concerned. When he was down and out she pleaded for his suffering to end, even if it meant stopping the fight; but she never left his side. Even though he had to be completely focused on his task at hand there had to be a part of him that knew that she was in the ring with him.

Eventually Rocky conquered what seemed to be an invincible opponent and regained his championship. As he was raised up by the men in his corner we see an exhausted fighter who is relieved of the burden he had been carrying. However, there is a certain peace that comes over him once he sees Adrian. This is not just from Adrian's encouragement during his preparation for this bout. We have seen her commitment through the films thus far.  

Before she embraced him she asked are you alright in which he responds never better before collapsing on her shoulder. One could only wonder if his response was because he had regained his title or because he was in the arms of his beloved Adrian.  

Who can find a woman of worth? Far beyond jewels is her value. Her husband trusts her judgment; he does not lack income. She brings him profit, not loss, all the days of her life. 

                                                                                                                -Proverbs 31:10-12 

Rocky Balboa vs. Clubber Lang

Carlos Solorzano 

• BA & MA in Religious Studies from Cal State Long Beach
• Certified through the Theology of the Body Institute
• Speaker with Catholic Speakers Organization  

Christian Love...and Rocky? Part Two

Welcome to the second part of the six part series of how the teachings of the Theology of the Body are exemplified in the Rocky Series. In the last blog we discussed how two people named Rocky and Adrian not only fell in love but did so while affirming the good in the other. In recognizing the actions of the other that affirmed the goodness in each person it also established a relationship of authentic love and trust. This will be most important as we get to the next phase of their relationship.

As the story continues into Rocky II most fans of the series tend to focus on the redemption that Rocky experienced by winning his rematch with heavyweight champion Apollo Creed. However, the one thing that is not discussed as much in the story line is the development of the relationship between Rocky and Adrian as they not only get married in this film but also have their marriage tested almost immediately.

After his big boxing match that serves as the climax of the first film Rocky is informed that he has physical damage to one of his eyes. After an extensive stay in the hospital he and Adrian begin to move forward with their lives. This begins with the beautiful scene when Rocky proposed to Adrian. There we can see how nervous he was because of the fact that she meant so much to him. Then, as she accepts his proposal it's so beautiful to see how she looks right at him and is very happy to give him the answer she knows he wants because she wants the same thing

Rocky Proposes to Adrian

On the night of their wedding they have a brief conversation where the two of them look at each other and with great honesty share their feelings for each other. As they begin to settle into their evening Rocky asks her if she wants him to help her remove her coat before telling her that she is the best thing to ever come into his life.  In other words, like the male lover in the biblical book Song of Songs (5:2), he doesn't force himself on her. Adrian of course responds with affection because she knows how much Rocky loves her as she can sense that he still wishes nothing but what is good for her. That's what leads her to ask him if it will always be like this with Rocky affirming that it will always be this way.

Now that Adrian feels safe she looks Rocky in the eyes and shares something she fears when she says: I hope you never get tired of me. Rocky shakes his head and responds: You ain't never getting rid of me before telling her that he would never change anything about her. Then they tell each other: I love you and share a beautiful kiss because this is another moment when they were naked and not ashamed. At this point it's almost shocking to remember that this was the same woman who couldn't even look at Rocky when he first showed interest in her. 

Rocky & Adrian Wedding Night (Start at 0:52)

As the couple begins their life together Rocky uses his new found celebrity to make commercials. Adrian is pleased because it means that Rocky will no longer have to risk his own safety by getting back in the ring. It is also at this time that they receive the news that they are expecting their first child. Rocky is filled with joy and said that he suspected something since Adrian woke up with a big smile that morning. Then as they walk through the park they share how they both wish for their unborn child to be like the other.

Unfortunately, their life doesn't go through as planned. Rocky has trouble reading the cue cards due to his damaged vision, which jeopardizes his ability to continue making commercials. Aside from that we see a couple that recognizes that there is something important in the way people are treated as they both stand up to an abusive director who mistreats Rocky during a very awkward moment for him. Still, that doesn't fix the problem that Rocky now faces as he must now find another way to make a living. 

Rocky Can't Read the Cue Cards

After a long search for employment Rocky ends up at the meat packing facility where his brother in law Paulie used to work. He works hard and is thankfully able to provide for his family. Still, Adrian worries about Rocky because he comes home very tired on a daily basis. Rocky disregards his fatigue as he continues to treat her with the same kindness that she had always known from him.

Things start to change though once Rocky gets laid off.

Now we have a man whose self-worth is challenged as he questions his ability to provide for his family. He is humiliated when his now pregnant wife offers to go back to work as he still feels the call to be the provider. Still, with all that is going through his mind and his heart he is still honest and gentle with Adrian. To make matters worse, he is not in the right frame of mind to refuse a challenge from heavyweight champion Apollo Creed who is still fuming over the fact that Rocky more than held his own in their last match.

As Creed baits Rocky into a rematch Rocky tells Adrian that he feels like a nobody again as those around him now refer to him as a coward since he won't respond to Creed's challenge. She reassures him that he is not a nobody in her eyes and that they will be fine. She also expresses her wish for him not to fight again because she doesn't want to see him get hurt. This is one of the hardest scenes to watch in the series because Adrian is pregnant and looks at Rocky with great fear in her eyes. One can easily see that he is the most important thing in her life because he was the one who loved her for who she really was.

Adrian is devastated.

Rocky begins to train but is immediately distracted by his marital problems. Interestingly enough there is never any discussion about the two of them separating over what we can see is a very serious disagreement. Adrian is worried about Rocky's well being, which again shows her commitment to her husband because she is still with him even though she doesn't approve of what he is doing...and she is going through this while she is pregnant with their first child!

Her true feelings come out when her brother Paulie decides to scold her for not approving of Rocky's decision to fight again. This time though we see a different woman than we saw in the past. Instead of taking Paulie's nonsense she speaks directly to him as she explains her position. Then Paulie tries to blame her for the possibility of Rocky getting hurt, which in this case could cost him his eyesight. Adrian reacts with great emotion as the thought scares her tremendously. Amazingly, she says something so beautiful in the midst of her struggle: If he goes blind Paulie, you walk away: I can't. I love him, you don't! 

Adrian Balboa, the woman who could barely speak to Rocky in this same pet store at the beginning of the first film is now a woman who will not only stand up for her husband but also stand by him, no matter what! In other words, she understands the meaning of the word commitment. 

                                                          Let your 'yes' mean 'yes' and your 'no' mean 'no.' 

                                                                                              -Matthew 5:37

Unfortunately, Adrian's concern for Rocky's well being would not be the end to her suffering. Adrian goes into labor prematurely and loses a lot of blood during the delivery of their son. This causes her to slip into a coma. Rocky is devastated and can't do anything but stay by her side. When he's not at her bed side he is in the chapel praying for Adrian. (see the film War Room for a great discussion on why we should be praying for our spouses). He is so concerned for her well being that won't even see his newborn son until he can see him with Adrian.

When Adrian comes out of her coma the first person she sees is Rocky. She sees that same smile that she fell in love with because that smile only comes for him when he sees her! This scene is one of many where we can see their true exchange of mutual love. Then we see them both react as they see their son for the first time. They are amazed at the sight of their newborn baby and all Adrian can do is thank Rocky. Rocky is so happy to see Adrian recover and once he finally sees his son in his mother's arms he offers to drop out of the fight. For some reason this leads Adrian to have a change of heart as she tells Rocky that she wants him to WIN!!!. It was never said during the film why she changed her mind but one would guess that her giving spirit, even at a moment when she still had a good reason to fear for his well being, knew that this was something that meant so much to Rocky. Again, Adrian knows the meaning of agape and by accepting her request it's almost as if Rocky's eyes make her a promise to do as she wishes because after all, no one's support would mean more to him than hers? 

Adrian in a Coma

The fight of course is a war as both men are determined to win. Rocky barely squeaks by with a surprising knock out victory and as he has his moment of glory he says that this is the second greatest moment of his life (his son's birth being the first). But the last thing he says, which is the most beautiful, is when he raises the belt and says, I just got one thing to say...to my wife at home. Yo Adrian, I did it! 

Rocky's Winning Speech

Rocky remembers his promise to Adrian and is not afraid to express this in front of the entire world. This is yet another example of being naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:25). 

Imagine how that made the shy girl from Philly feel. 

There are many who claim that they love the underdog theme in the Rocky movies and while that is true one cannot ignore the fact that Rocky is in many cases, the many that many of us wish we could be. Sylvester Stallone himself has said that Rocky is the man he wishes he could be and that is also why he loved playing the character.  

Carlos Solorzano

• BA & MA in Religious Studies from Cal State Long Beach 
• Certified through the Theology of the Body Institute 
• Speaker with Catholic Speaker's Organization 

Christian Love...and Rocky? Part One

 The Rocky films are my favorite movies of all time because I love boxing and have found great inspiration in the struggles that the Rocky Balboa character overcomes throughout the series. One of the most amazing pieces of the story that is often overlooked is the relationship between Rocky and his wife Adrian. Here we have two simple people who in the worlds' eyes have very little to offer that make all of the difference in the world to each other. They truly exemplify the following quote: To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world. 

In this first installment of what will be a six part blog called Christian Love...and Rocky? we will focus on the first film and how these two simple people lived out the call to will the good of the other. To some it may seem strange to use a boxing film to find examples of true love, but anyone who has seen the Rocky series knows that there is also a great human story in each film. 

The first time we see Adrian is when Rocky stops by her place employment, which is a pet store. Right away we can see that he's trying to get her attention but does so in a respectful way. He greets her with kindness and wants nothing more than to spend some time with this very shy and insecure women. His jokes are terrible but he's very sweet and even gets Adrian to smile at one point . Adrian's lack of confidence does not prevent her from knowing that Rocky means well so we catch her looking over at him from time to time as she appears to be somewhat interested in him as well. 

Rocky Talks to Adrian at the Pet Store

Rocky's second visit during the film was after he had a very difficult day. He starts out by asking her if she needs any help with her work and then invites her out to a basketball game, which she declines. He tells her a little about his day and then focuses more on her well being rather than seeking her sympathy. That is when he tells her that the night is very cold and even offers to walk her home, which she also declines. Then he suggests that she take a cab home in order to avoid the neighborhood creeps. Adrian continues to say very little to him and even though Rocky is visibly frustrated he continues be a gentleman. 

More at the Pet Store

Immediately Rocky goes to the local tavern to speak to Adrian's brother Paulie. Rocky is frustrated and wants to know if Paulie knows why Adrian seems to have no interest in him.  Immediately Paulie tells Rocky to forget her and that he can do better than her as he refers to his own sister as a freakin' loser! 

...and we wonder why Adrian is so insecure.

Rocky deflects each of Paulie's comments because he truly does care about her, which leads to Paulie changing the subject. This shows that Rocky's interest in Adrian was indeed genuine because he continues to speak highly of her even when she is not around.

Such an idea could bring us to the following passage from Song of Songs 4:9:  You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride, you have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes. In other words, while Adrian may not see what Rocky sees there is something about her that has truly captured him.

Then we arrive to the famous Thanksgiving dinner scene as Paulie escorts Rocky to his home without Adrian's knowledge. As soon as she sees Rocky she knows that Paulie is trying to set them up on a date and immediately says that she is not ready for this. Paulie criticizes her and then calls her a loser in front of Rocky before she demands that he stop calling that. She then tries to use the excuse of having a turkey in the oven for her not being able to go out with Rocky before Paulie, in a horrible act of cruelty, tosses the turkey into the alley. Adrian is humiliated and runs to her bedroom. 

Thanksgiving Scene

Rocky sees that Adrian is distraught and speaks to her gently behind her door. This is the complete opposite of Paulie. He admits to feeling very awkward because he is talking to the door and then tells Adrian that he has no one to spend Thanksgiving with so he would appreciate it if she would go out with him. Adrian, perhaps out of sympathy for Rocky or because she would like to to get away from her brother that just humiliated her, accepts Rocky's invitation Before they leave the house there is a great shot of Adrian looking in the mirror where we can see that she is in fact hiding as much of her face as she can behind her glasses and her beanie that she has pulled down to her eyebrows (this last part is unfortunately not in the link). 

Rocky Asks Adrian on a Date

Rocky's approach is most effective because it follows the idea that we see in the bible when the man in Song of Songs 5:2 knocks on the gate and calls out to the woman rather than trying to force his way in. The same also applies to the image of Christ in Revelations 3:20 when He knocks at the door and waits for us to allow Him in as He too will not force Himself on us. That is because true love must be offered and received willingly. When a woman sees that a man's intentions are good she may allow him into her world. In Rocky's case, he was always very gentle and respectful of Adrian. 

As they exit her home Rocky tried to downplay Paulie's actions in order to smooth things over. After all, Paulie is Rocky's best friend as well as Adrian's brother so she would certainly want to be reminded of how much Rocky cares about Paulie. Further, it also showed Adrian that she doesn't have to feel awkward about the way Paulie treated her in front of Rocky as he is more interested in spending time with her rather than focusing on something that happened in the privacy of their home. 

They arrive to the ice skating rink after it had already closed down so Rocky had to smooth over the lone worker at the rink in order to allow Adrian to have some time to skate. This must have been an eye opening experience for Adrian who was certainly used to Paulie's abusive behavior rather than a man that would do anything to make her happy.

Rocky does not skate with Adrian but jogs around the rink with her because he said that skating is bad for a boxer's ankles. What's most important about this scene is that he is doing whatever he has to do to spend time with her. By having this time together they got a chance to have their first private conversation since they were not at the pet shop. He starts out by sharing the ups and downs of being a boxer and when she can see that he too has insecurities she starts to open up more to him.

Eventually they get to the famous exchange where Rocky says that his father told him that, you weren't born with much of a brain so you better develop your body. Adrian laughs for the first time in his presence and tells Rocky that her mother told her the exact opposite. This would certainly not be easy for a woman to share, but considering the fact that Rocky had a similar experience and was comfortable enough to share that with her gave her, gave her the confidence to share this memory with him. With that we also notice that Adrian is now speaking in a louder voice and begins to smile and laugh in Rocky's presence. 

Date at the Ice Rink

Later as they walk down the street Rocky and Adrian begin a very important conversation. Rocky speaks of people who are very shy by nature and how such people are fine the way they are. By saying that he affirmed Adrian for who she was. Then they talk more about boxing with Rocky sharing how most fighters end up becoming bums and how he in fact sees himself as a bum. Immediately Adrian tells him that she doesn't think he is a bum as she now affirmed him. (the shy comment is not at the beginning of the link) 

Street Scene

When they arrive to Rocky's apartment it takes take some time for Adrian to accept his invitation to come inside. Eventually the fear of being in a situation that she is not accustomed to takes hold of Adrian and that is exemplified by the fact that she won't accept Rocky's invitation to sit with him while also speaking in her soft voice again. That leads her to tell Rocky that she doesn't belong here, that she doesn't think she knows him well enough and that she has never been alone in a man's apartment before. Surprisingly Rocky admits to also being uncomfortable but reminds her that she is his guest and tries to reassure her that everything is okay. This is important because we see both of them reveal their fears to each other which may have come from a trust that they began to establish earlier in the evening. 

Rocky's Apartment

Adrian then decides to leave and that's when Rocky insists that she stay, even going as far as blocking the door. Adrian had to be frightened at this point but the fact that she didn't fight him maybe was a pat of her that knew that he wouldn't hurt her. That's when he asks her to remove her glasses and her beanie. He then tells her that she has nice eyes and that he always knew that she was pretty. Now Adrian has the hardest time looking at him because she can't hide behind her disguise. She responds by saying don't tease me with Rocky responding with I ain't teasing. Now, the same little girl whose mother told her that she wasn't born with much of a body now has a man telling her that he sees something that her own mother didn't see: Adrian is good! (Genesis 1:31) 

First Kiss

As the film progresses we see a difference in Adrian because now she is in a genuine loving relationship. Her glasses and hat are gone. She looks up more and speaks with a bigger voice because she knows that Rocky will listen to anything she has to say. Rocky made her feel beautiful both inside and out because he accepted her for who she was. One of the most heart warming scenes is when she is waiting for Rocky at his apartment when he returns from a run and he stops in his tracks just to look at her. He tells her how beautiful she looks, which of course warms her heart

Adrian Gets Butkus for Rocky

Later we see that Adrian not only accepted the fact that she was good but was also willing to defend her new found dignity. When a drunken Paulie starts on her again she fights back with a rage that goes back many years. She states clearly that she was in the fact that one that took care of him and yet he still made her feel like a loser. Then she roars aloud that I am not a loser and most likely at that moment realized that she never was a loser! 

Paulie Breaks Down

Rocky certainly struggled as a witness to this sibling exchange as it must have been hard for him to see Adrian in such pain while also realizing that his best friend had done this to his sister. But this would certainly be an example of Adrian being naked and not ashamed (See Genesis 2:25) because she already knew by now that Rocky would not judge her for what she said to Paulie. With Adrian having the willingness to admit such pain in front of Rocky he too would feel safe enough to share his own fears to her. That was best exemplified when he admitted prior to the climactic boxing match that he knew he couldn't win because he was not in the same class as his opponent, heavyweight champion Apollo Creed. Adrian of course treated him with the same respect that he always gave to her, which of course brought them closer as a couple. 

I Just Want to go the Distance

Rocky carried his love for Adrian everywhere he went. The best example was when he received an unexpected title shot and then takes part in his first televised press conference. After answering some questions about the upcoming fight he then makes a point to give a shout out to his girlfriend, even when those who were running the press conference tried to interrupt him. (Start at 5:04) 

Rocky Accepts the Fight with Apollo Creed

Now we're going to shift gears for a brief moment and look at another relationship in Rocky's life. That is with his trainer Mickey Goldmill. For many years Mickey has seen Rocky as a man who has thrown away his potential. Rocky only sees a man who seems to have some sort of grudge against him for no apparent reason. This mystery is solved in this clip where Mickey is brutally honest with Rocky. 

Rocky's Wasted Talent

Later, when Mickey finds out that Rocky has been given the shot of a lifetime, he goes to Rocky's home so he can offer to train him. Rocky is suspicious, and rightfully so, because it is not like Mickey to show such affection towards him. Rocky is not shy about why he is not interested in working with Mickey and it is not until Mickey starts to avoid the truth of their strained relationship that his anger starts to come out. After, letting out his anger, he follows the departing Mickey and while we are not able to hear what he has to say to the old man, he obviously forgave and accepted Mickey's offer to train him. 

Pain and Experience

Finally, we get to the title match and after the fight is over it's difficult to tell what is going on in the ring because all Rocky cares about is seeing Adrian.  He is greatly moved when she comes to him and tells him that she loves him, so much so that the movie ends with him being the champion of her heart rather than the heavyweight boxing champion of the world. When one sees their final embrace at the end of the film we can see that her love was the one thing that always meant the most to him. 

(Start at 1:03) Adrian

We are just getting started. We will continue this discussion on how Christian love is further revealed in later films starting with the first sequel, Rocky II. 

Carlos Solorzano

• BA & MA in Religious Studies from Cal State Long Beach 
• Certified through the Theology of the Body Institute 
• Speaker with Catholic Speakers Organization 

What Does it Mean to Judge?

In today's world we hear a lot of people say things like: don't judge me, I feel so judged, only God can judge me, etc. It's almost like a deterrent with the person saying such things not wanting to own what they have done. However, such a person could have a good reason to feel this way due to the negative ways that people tend to pass judgment these days.


The Words of Jesus 

Consider Jesus' words from the Gospel of Matthew: Stop judging, that you may not be judged. For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you (Matthew 7:1-2). 

What is Jesus saying? Are we not to judge people at all or is it in the way that we judge people? As always, it is important to go back to the world in which Jesus lived in order to get a better understanding of what He was speaking about since He was in fact speaking to people who had a particular worldview at that time.

According to William Barclay, the idea of judging people favorably was an idea that was well known by the Jews in Jesus' time. Rabbis were known to remind the people that, He who judges his neighbor favorably will be judged favorably by God. Barclay even goes as far as stating that to judge a person in this way was not only thoughtful or considerate but also a sacred duty. Aside from these points Barclay also imparts the words of the famous Rabbi Hillel the Elder who said: Do not judge a man until you yourself have come into his circumstances or situation. Barclay also reminds us that we may never know the whole facts or the whole person so how can we possibly know the heart of the matter.

Such an idea is really important in the world that we live in today. So many people face big decisions that certainly challenge their morality. Further, what happens when that person is filled with fear or despair as they may face the possibility of rejection or in today's social media filled world, the possibility of public slander? We always quick to ask, what would Jesus do, but in this case I would ask, what would a person filled with brokenness do? And, how do we know that we wouldn't do the same thing if we were also in that position?

I am not condoning sin or dismissing a person's responsibility for their actions. Even the Lord, who showed love and mercy did not condone sinful behavior. This is why He would tell the sinner to: Go and sin no more (John 8:11). Yes, Jesus did accept everyone but He did not dismiss any form of bad behavior. However, He was able to show his love and mercy to each sinner because He could see the the cause of the sin, which usually comes from some form of suffering.

This is why Pope Francis reminds us that mercy is a verb because it is something we have to show the person. As I tell my students from my own guilty moments of dealing with those who have wronged me in the past: Many times we expect others to forgive us almost immediately but have no problem holding a grudge towards those who have wronged us. This is why Pope Francis' words hit me hard when he says: We cannot meditate on mercy without turning it into action. In honoring the words of our Holy Father we also put into action God's command to love our neighbor. Of course, that is not always easy to do and one of many reasons we need God's grace to get us through this life.


Judging Justly 

Good theology recognizes that a truthful teaching isn't just looking at the whole passage but also the whole chapter with particular attention being paid to the order of what Jesus says in the Gospels. This is why we need to speak also on the issue of privacy. Notice in the preceding chapter that Jesus talks about how personal prayer is to be done in private (Matthew 6:6-7). Aside from that, we also told not to babble with our words because our Father in heaven already knows what we need before we ask Him. Now, why is this so important?

The first thing that comes to mind is Eucharistic Adoration. Yes, there are prayers that we say and songs that we sing as a community and we already know the importance of community prayer (Matthew 18:20). Still, there are also prayers that we are encouraged to say in the silence of our own hearts. We are also encouraged with sit with the Lord; to simply be in His presence. If you look carefully, this form of prayer allows us to look to the Lord as Abba, our daddy, as such things that we would say at this point are very personal and certainly similar to the memories that many of us have doing the same thing with our loving fathers.

Those who have been devoted to this practice for an extended length of time speak of the graces they receive simply by being open to what they Lord has to share with them; or as Jesus already said, Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. How would any father know what their child needs? Due to the intimate time spent with his child as such time would allow the father to grow closer to their child. This is why I would recommend you look at these beautiful quotes given to us by many of the Church's greatest saints when it comes to Eucharistic Adoration as we not only get the chance to grow closer to our God but also to our Abba in heaven: 

10 Quotes on Eucharistic Adoration from the Saints

Keep in mind that our experience of being judged could also be during our prayer time. Yes, our Father in heaven already knows what we need but Jesus did not comment on when or how He would address those needs. With my own children, I speak to them during private conversations about things that they have done wrong but I make sure to speak to them carefully so they can continue to trust me and so that they know that my intention is to help them be better people and not just to scold them. To restate Luke 11:13: (If I with my sins know what do give my children) how much more will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?  

We need to take that same attitude to those that have wronged us and Jesus has in fact showed us the way.

In Matthew 18:15 Jesus says: If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother. This would be something that require a certain level of respect and maturity between the two people in conflict because the offending brother would have to both listen and then take responsibility for what they did. Of course this would not be a problem for two people who not only love their neighbor but strive to be perfect as their heavenly Father is perfect. In terms of the time period in which Jesus stated this, such an idea was not foreign to someone trying to live as a good Jew. 

Take these words from Leviticus 19:17-18. You shall not bear hatred for your brother in your heart. Though you may have to reprove your fellow man, do not incur sin because of him. Take no revenge and cherish no grudge against your fellow countrymen. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. 

Again, mercy is a verb and in doing something that is difficult we show both love and mercy. It also discourages us from carrying the burden of resentment and hatred, which is not easy because our humanity will not prevent us from the fear, anger and distrust that comes from being wrong by another. That is why we must remind ourselves to be open to God's grace while knowing that our Heavenly Father will give us what we need so long as we are open to His grace.

This would certainly imply that the harboring of grudges and even gossip have been with us since the beginning of time. However, now we live in a day and age where people have access to even more ways of communicating. However it's done, consider this brilliant sermon from the movie Doubt: 

From the film "Doubt." A Homily on Gossip.

Now, what if we are dealing with someone who will not take that high road as the brother that we have won over? Consider Jesus' words from Matthew 18:16:  If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.

Of course the character and intent of these witnesses must be pleasing in the eyes of God so the offending brother does not feel attacked. Perhaps multiple witnesses will present a clearer picture of what occurred as everyone has their own way of seeing such events. With that being said, perhaps this more expanded vision of the events will help everyone have a clear understanding of what happened between everyone involved and not just the person who was offended.

Sadly, the conflict could go into further gridlock, which Jesus addresses in Matthew 18:17 with the following words: If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector. 

For many this seems like a later insertion into the Gospel rather than something that Jesus actually said because the Church had yet to be established. However, this could still be reflective of what Jesus intended for the Church while also being something that both Jesus and the apostles were aware of in terms of what was practiced by the leaders of their time.

Take for example the Sanhedrin. Although their accusations against Jesus were said to have come from false witnesses (Mark 14:56) it doesn't mean that their method was totally flawed. The Sanhedrin was made up of 71 members including the High Priest at the time, as well as some priests and aristocrats. The religious leaders were very well versed in the law but the interesting thing about such leaders is that their differing backgrounds also meant that some of them had different ways of interpreting the law. In other words, it is almost impossible for anyone to be impartial in judging anyone, which is why it would be best to have the case reviewed by several individuals.

Hopefully in most cases the Sanhedrin or any respected body of people for that matter could offer a reasonable judgment on the case that would satisfy everyone involved. Of course in today's world people have opinions on so many things but it doesn't serve us well if we only interact with those who have a similar worldview. We need to be challenged in the way that we look at persons under suspicion because that is when we find out just how much we love our neighbor. In most cases, this can only be done if we welcome input from those who have a different worldview.

Of course there are those who think only of themselves who would refuse to resolve any conflict regardless of the circumstances. Jesus was also aware of this and did not tell His followers to avoid moments when they needed to distance themselves from such people, which in many cases could be for their own safety. Aside from the final part of Matthew 18:17 we also see the Lord speak of what His disciples should do if they encounter such hostilities from a place where they have been preaching (Matthew 10:13-14). The Lord Himself was rejected and had to leave where He was preaching (Luke 4:29-30) so, yes, there are times when we simply have to walk away and hope for the best.


Opportunity for True Change 

We often don't realize how many of our struggles and conflicts are in fact gifts because they are opportunities for us to grow in holiness. Sometimes this gift is a moment of self-realization that for many of us is very eye opening. Take for example the following: For years I have told my students that regardless of how one sees the issue of same sex marriage that the whole phenomenon has in fact been a gift to all of us in one specific way: it forced all of us to ask ourselves how we have treated homosexuals through the years. Of course it's easy to assume that those who changed for the better supported the legalization of same sex marriage but such a generalization is quite misleading. There are in fact many who support the idea of upholding traditional marriage but now treat their homosexual neighbors in ways that they had not prior to that moment of self-reflection. How is that a bad thing?

This is one of many issues that people face on a regular basis. From a young girl faced with the possibility of having an abortion to a teenager lying to a teacher at their school in order to avoid punishment. From an adult who is arrested and accused of a serious crime to a mother whose child has learned a deep secret from her past. We should always take the time to listen to the person's reasons for their struggle and not just their sins. Yes, sin is bad and we should not water down anything that is an offense to God. However, if Jesus Himself can come to earth as one of us in order to offer His mercy to those whose actions would be an offense to the Incarnate God then who are we to judge such people harshly rather than in ways to remind them that they are first loved by God as well as by the rest of us? On top of that, imagine the impact on any relationship if the person that the sinner offended was us and yet we still took the time to love them as God wants us to? That is something that would really change the world because we would be acting like our Savior when He forgave those who sent Him to his death (Luke 23:34).

I do not ignore the fact that such an idea would be a great challenge but nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

Carlos Solorzano

• BA & MA in Religious Studies from Cal State Long Beach   
• Certified through the Theology of the Body Institute  
• Speakers with Catholic Speakers Organization 

 

Sources 

• New American Bible 
• Barclay, William. The Gospel of Matthew Volume 1. The Daily Study Bible Series. The Westminster Press Philadelphia 1975 
• McKenzie, John L. The Dictionary of the Bible. Macmillan Publishing Co New York. Collier Macmillan Publishers London 
• Achtemeir, Paul J. (Chief Editor). Harper's Bible Dictionary. Harper San Francisco  
• Perkins, Pheme. Reading the New Testament. Paulist Press New York 
• https://cruxnow.com/church/2016/06/pope-francis-tells-priests-mercy-is-a-verb-not-a-noun/
• https://www.catholic.sg/10-quotes-on-eucharistic-adoration-from-the-saints/